The White House posted this on X today.
This is going to be a shorter one - I'm too pre-occupied with fighting for you ungrateful fucks' First Amendment rights to give you consistent, lengthy quality material. Get used to this, as articles will only get shorter going forward.
I saw yinz at Walmart picking up some roses and shitty Hershey’s chocolate to swoon your honey tonight so that she'll squeeze into that XXXXL bedroom attire for you. But please tell me you didn't forget the bag of flour! Flour? Of course the flour! Yeah, just roll her in it and eventually you'll find the wet spot somewhere in the hippo folds. I never dated a fat chick (because I've always adhered to traditional human standards, of course), but I heard the flour trick really works! May I also highly recommend a visit to the camping section to pick up some tent poles to help hold up the folds as you're playing with flab... you botch this spelunking expedition up and Rescue EMS is going to need to pry you out with the Jaws of Life.
With respect to the ex-fatties, today is a day where the Ozempic and gastric bypass mommies get to show off their fake bodies at a restaurant where they're limited to just the shrimp cocktail since their stomachs have been removed and a golf-ball sized fake stomach is created. Forget diet and exercise! That requires commitment and we all know that the idea of "commitment" in our area to anything other than football and happy hour is non-existent. I hope the anemic and osteoporosis look turns you on since you can't absorb the required nutrients needed for healthy living. So guys, just don't be too rough with your stomachless, fragile girl or she'll be bruised with cracked bones and she'll look like one of Norwin's finest meth whores. At least you'll be saving on the Applebee's bar tap since she can only have a teaspoon of your Iron City swill.
And now for an educational break. Why do we celebrate Valentine’s Day? (per CBSNews.com)
Since ancient Roman times, people have celebrated a loosely connected festival of love in the second week of February. However, the way people express their love this time of year is "conditioned by the historical circumstances they live in," Yale professor of classics and history Noel Lenski told CBS News.
For about a thousand years, starting in the 5th century B.C., Romans celebrated a festival on the 15th of February called Lupercalia, commemorating the founding of Rome and the fertility god Lupercus.
This day was essentially a drunken, sexually charged festival at the Palatine Hill in Italy — where men would sacrifice a dog, and with its hide, would beat young women who wanted to be fertile — that lasted until the 5th century C.E. The most famous Lupercalia festival took place a month before Julius Caesar was assassinated on March 15, 44 B.C. when Caesar famously rejected the crown offered by Roman general Mark Antony.
After the Catholic Church became the dominant power in Rome, the empire became more "buttoned up," as Professor Lenski characterized it. Pope Gelasius, I ended Rome's Lupercalia Day in the 5th Century. Meanwhile, Christians began to hold a feast on Feb. 14 to celebrate Saint Valentine and the sanctity of marriage. Saint Valentine's feast could have been a replacement for Lupercalia, but Lenski said there's no hard proof of this.Sanctity of marriage in Norwin? GTFO here.
When I was doing my research for Who Are The Fucking Idiots in My Neighborhood my editor informed me that there are dedicated swinging enclaves around Southwest PA. I don’t know what shocked me more - that people attend these places or that someone is paid enough money to be willing to clean these places. There’s a Party at Scout's this Valentine's Day Weekend. Not to be confused with the Scouts where their oath involves being trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Party at Scout’s oath: “The Most Diverse Place on Earth!” I guess that’s a polite way of saying “Degenerates Welcome.”
I mentioned this place to a Norwin swinger and she said "Oh, we don't go there. It's trashy. We go to DJ's Island (another swingers club) - all the classy Republicans hang out there." Ugh, what? Huh? 'Republican' and 'classy' would be the last words in the English language I would use to describe anything having to do with getting all your holes simultaneously filled outside of your marital vows while your husband watches from the corner. I know of the sick fucks in my neighborhood who are into this narcissistic depravity and attempt to justify morally-reprehensible behavior by applying politically-correct nomenclature (i.e., ethical non-monogamy) to make their actions appear socially respectful. After all, they are "classy Republicans!" If you have to try to convince people that you are a Republican... YOU AREN'T!
We can't forget about the poor husbands who are married to leftist nutjobs. They need love, too! I'm sure you've heard of a bagger, where to prevent nausea when attempting to make love to a grotesque woman, you have to put a paper bag over her head (or even doubling it in case the first bag fails). I don't know what the equivalent bag would be to conceal the insufferableness of Trump (and Alex!) Derangement Syndrome hysteria in these Norwin lefttard mommy homes. Plastic bags? I like to keep my writing fresh, but this is the perfect opportunity to recycle old content from my first article:
They are anti-Mastriano/Trump type Republican mommies who will vote against a true Republican simply because he sends mean tweets or is pro-life. So many more such women than men showed up. They are the ones who dragged their controlled "Republican" husbands along and told them to vote for the Democrats. I saw it with my own eyes - the guy reluctantly followed, head down, dejected and silent, five steps behind his wife into the poll and she came out exclaiming "I need another another [WeAreNorwin] flyer for my husband!" How weak of a man can you be? This occurred at Sunset Valley in the afternoon, so I hope this man (and anyone else in this type of situation) can address the greater problem and get out of the toxic relationship.This Valentine's Day I think about Kerber Farms "men" like him - deep in the heart of the gaggle of shrewdish den mothers and porker band mommies - and I start singing…
But in the town it was well known
When they got home at night
Their fat and psychopathic wives would thrash them
Within inches of their lives
These poor men. Their marriages are a sham. They hate their wives. They hate themselves even more. They are in it for their kids, but for how much longer? What a sad way to live.
And then we have the loners. Even if you're a typical low, self-esteem Norwin single mom who went through life making bad choices, please control your urges and don't do anything stupid tonight (or any nights) like hooking up with even lower-IQ guys at Norwin's finest dive bars. You may not believe it, but I truly have a soft spot for single moms - as long as they learn from their mistakes. Unfortunately there aren't any like this in Norwin. But I am sympathetic to my biggest, miserable fan - Lori Falce (Colloquially known as ‘False’ to match her opinions). She's so shy, hiding behind anonymous TribLive editorials thinking that nobody knows who she is, although I’ve introduced her to you as a progressive socialist in a prior article. No different now, but we can add ‘inept at understanding constitutional rights’ to her accolades. Anyway, societally trashed libtarded women deserve love beyond the false affection they're getting from their clowder of cats licking the pizza crumbs out of their panis folds.
Sorry, Ginny! Although I know I secretly turn a leftist writer like you on with my warrior poet qualities, making you 'slippier' than a condensation-coated-cerveza, you haven't written about me in a while and I feel neglected. I only lend my feigned love to those who help keep my message going strong - no such thing as bad publicity. Maybe your Adele neighbors like Blackface, Mr. Lieberry, and Squeaky-High-Pitched-Shrill Dem Mom can help you pen your next love-letter to me.
OK, Alex, are you done trashing the women? Hey now, I resent that blanket statement - I only trash the trashy women, damnit! But I understand what you're saying: Where is my criticism of the men? Well, I only have one for now and it's the purpose of this article. If you remember in my previous article, I made reference to "creepy men" of Norwin. With over 13,000 views on that article, people were asking me what I meant by that. Were they asking me how they can help out with Norwin's illegal La Cucaracha infestation? No! I dedicated an entire article on what the cuckservatives of Norwin can do to help out and all they're concerned about is what I meant when I referred to the "creepy men" of Norwin. They must be seeing themselves in that description!
This is Norwin, where 'Love is Love' and 'All Are Welcome' - purposeful misdirection and contextually empty concepts - being pushed by those who are trying their hardest to publicly come across as wholesome and morally superior to the rest. From alcoholics and cheats at the township level, to schoolhouse debauchery such as sharing an Amazon classroom list with parents containing a classroom essential (?) like a pussy pump (seriously!), to sexting one’s student thousands of time, to a rendezvous of cheating in a janitorial closet, to a police report painting a picture of a three-way gone bad. Love is Love! No, apparently, Norwin Love is the ability to look the other way and cover it all up. Pathetic.
Valentine's Day should not exist in Norwin, as the message of love has been perverted into something furthest removed from its original meaning. In Norwin, love is whatever ANYONE wants it to be. It's become a self-serving vehicle among the phony and vapid of this community, not unlike the concept of being a Republican here. I best stop now, as I can sense the low-IQ brains forming steam, working overtime, unable to understand high-level philosophical viewpoints, and certainly incapable of introspection of those viewpoints.
Let’s NOT Dance
Proclamations of love by one’s kids, with cards and hugs is what every dad wants! It's endearing and confirms one’s presence in the lives of one’s kids. The following is NOT that.
Specifically, attempting to inject romantic themes into wholly inappropriate areas... is... well, inappropriate. And this is where the creepy father-daughter dances are indicted. There are definite parallels to the outrageous purity balls which I wouldn't be surprised are a thing some evangelical fundies in Norwin subscribe to. Purity balls, are rooted in puritanical religious beliefs that a father owns his daughter and her sexuality, and determines when it's appropriate to give them to another man. That's certainly not the case with a father-daughter dance (I would hope it’s not!), but there are still many psychological layers of ickiness that can be peeled away.
The only pro argument, a very tenuous one, for this dance is that it provides bonding time with one's daughter. However, if a dad wants to spend quality time with his daughter, then awesome, go have tea-time together, take her to a painting/baking class, go bumper bowling, toss her around in the pool, maybe have her watch you throw lead downrange while she reloads for you (ok, maybe that last one is not fun for any female), etc. Father-daughter bonding can be achieved in so many ways. Why does this event occur around Valentine's Day, which is a day traditionally associated with love between a man and a woman (Yes, you silly faggots, although I respect your right to sexual freedom, you cannot fall in love with a man's hairy ass - it's not possible).
Look, you don't need to spend daddy-daughter time in a dating context, with both of you dressed up as if you're going to prom, in a prince-princess, “fairytale fantasy” world, at "$100 per couple." What an odd way to put it. Where is the mother-son dance? Why not just call it a Family Dance and hold it in April and remove all creepiness, real or perceived? But I understand, the narcissistic Instagram mommies want to outdo each other with the best husband-daughter "couples" photo. It's not cute. It's as weird as you are.
Oh, and where was this event held? In North Nutingdon, PA. No, seriously, look at how it's spelled on the flyer. There is NO FUCKING WAY that a normal person from North Huntingdon would EVER spell it that way. I've spelled it Huntington a couple times the first month I moved here and relatives still misspell it. This is clearly a Freudian slip by one of the weirdos of Norwin, of course. I'm surprised they didn't capitalize BALL in Ballroom.
Any guy defending this dance is one of the "creepy men" of Norwin. Let’s leave on a happy note and never talk about this father-daughter creepfest, again.
